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My mom, who I'm poa for, drove a state away. We had to issue a silver alert and she was found after 6 hours by police. My sister picked her up and my brother in law took her car. I was with them but I insisted we take my mom to ER once we got her. I know the drill....to say unsafe discharge until everyone gets what I've been saying for years - she has dementia. My sister and brother in law said they didn't want to do that because "they're not those people." So I left and told them "just be sure to take moms keys so she can't drive away again." But my sister left my mom, the keys and the car all back at my mom's house. My mom isn't answering the phone again. Do I call the police or cut everyone off? I've accepted she'll die tragically. But I am sick by the thought of her just vanishing. Or hurting someone by driving. Why did my sister leave the keys? She "can't handle it anymore" but like....neither can I and I did everything for my dad.

You cannot let your sister be in charge of letting mom have keys to the car.
You already know she is a danger to herself and others. Can you live with doing nothing if you learn she hurt or killed someone while driving?
You and your sister will solve nothing keeping your heads in the sand; "She can't handle it anymore", "and neither can I." Someone needs to step up and be a responsible adult.

Go, take the keys and/or the car away now! Before anything tragic happens.
THEN, find a memory care facility for your mother, where she will be safely cared for.

You are POA. You can not just cut everyone off and accept your mother will die tragically because you can't handle it.
You must handle it. That is the job of the POA.
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If you have the POA then it was your job to say "unsafe discharge" and to take her keys. Sister doesn't get a say unless she is willing to take mom into her home.
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She has regular car keys, not a fob. I guess I'll just take the keys and leave and she can spend the rest of her days looking for them until I get her moved
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You can pull the battery out of the keyfob to deactivate the car then Mom can keep the fob.

One of the walk in battery stores can do this for you if you have a difficult key fob.

If there are more than two docs working at the same place see if you can get two docs at the same place to give you the written documentation you need to activate the POAs. (So you don't have to go to 2 different offices.)

Feel you on the real estate sale. I had challenges with my sister when we were selling the house.
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Please don’t look at it as guilt, for you’ve done nothing wrong. Some circumstances call for us to do what’s needed for basic human kindness that we’d hopefully help anyone with. Seeing to it that she can’t hurt others with a car and she is as safe as you can make her are just kindnesses. Try to take emotion, and definitely guilt, out of it. Back off anytime it’s overwhelming and protect yourself
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Thank you for the advice. I am going to get the keys tomorrow, and the car but as someone wisely pointed out, she can still walk out of the house. But at least she won't hurt anyone this way. She was home last night - in her closet looking for something. My sister and I are going tomorrow to take her to a doctor. My POA says I need two doctors notes before it goes into effect. If I can't get that done in a mildly stress free way, I'm just resigning and my sister can deal with it. My sister wants top dollar for her house - I want to sell it to a developer and just hire an estate company to deal with it. So I don't predict this will go well. I never liked this my mom and she never liked me so why the hell am I dealing with this except extreme guilt?
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You are POA. You can get her placed tomorrow in a facility. You do not need your sibling's permission and you do not have to tell your sibling. I used POA to sell mom's car and the money went towards her care.
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You can easily make her car inoperable if she has a key fob with a battery. Remove the battery, and the car won't start. She may never figure out what happened, and that's fine. Also, no need to inform the rest of her family or anyone else. Remain aloof. This is, after all, only a temporary step before the police arrange a temporary hold on her. Since you're POA, you have no requirement to inform anyone about her health. In fact, you have a responsibility to keep her health and healthcare private. Do so.

You're much better off on your own without being systematically tromped on by family members who don't have mom's best interests at heart.
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If you have POA, you have the power to do something. If she has money, time for Memory care. If not, time for Long-term care with Medicaid paying. IMO, she isca danger to herself and others. You take away the keys and you move the car to another location till you can sell it.

Read the POA, if it says immediate then you do not need a doctor to invoke the POA. If you do need a doctor to involk it get her to a doctor for a 24/7 care evaluation. You started posting here in 2022 so she is 85 now. She is not able to make informed decisions. She needs to be safe. You have a police record now.
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I’m sorry this happened, it had to be terrifying. You would be wise to call whatever police department found mom, there will be a police report of her escapade. Request help in getting cooperation with the local police in getting her driver’s license revoked due to dementia. In your shoes I’d disable her car while it’s sitting at her house. Beats having her take off again and possibly hurt others. You need not admit doing it. Clearly, it’s time for the POA if there is one to act. We currently have this going on in my husband’s family. Both in-laws with varying stages of dementia and a POA who denies and refuses to take useful action. I know the frustration and wish you peace
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Ask police for a wellness check. Ask them to hold her temporarily in a facility because she is a danger to herself and others (which is very true). In Florida it's called the Baker Act. I don't know what it's called where you live. Doing this is the kindest thing you could do for mom because otherwise she could disappear in her car, end up dead in a river or be preyed upon by bad people. Or something even worse.

And it might not even happen because she's in her car. She could take off on foot and end up as Jane Doe in a hospital. This happened to my husband despite the many precautions I took at home to keep him safe.

Your mother is very sick. Your sister is in a world of denial, but you are not. It's up to you to do what is necessary, and I hope you do it right away.

I'm so sorry; please keep us posted.
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If you are moms POA, why didn't you take her keys and car away before you went back home?
As POA it is YOUR responsibility to make sure that your mom is kept safe and receiving the care that she requires, not your sister and brother-in-law.
So if your mom isn't answering her phone now, I would call the police and have them do a wellness check on her, and make them aware that she has dementia and shouldn't be driving.
Then I would call her doctor and the DMV to get her license revoked, before she kills some innocent person on the roadways.
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Ugh. Your sister and BIL are being so unhelpful. “They are not those people” and “can’t handle it anymore”—?!? Instead, they are the kind of people who leave their impaired mother who has just driven for six hours not knowing where she is — alone with the car and the car keys.

As the only responsible person in the family — and as your mom’s POA — you need to act. Take her keys and car away. Find an aide to care for her until you can sell the house and place her. It’s a lot. It’s not fair or equitable. But it needs to be done.

I think the worst would be not be her vanishing or dying tragically but hitting a child. On top of the tragedy of that, she would be sued for everything she has.
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Can you take the keys? Can you get M’s driving license revoked? Check what powers your POA gives you, and use them. If possible, sell her car.

Tell your sister that the reason why you have POA is to do the sensible things that M or S or BIL will not do. It's your responsibility because S “can’t handle it anymore” – even handle doing the sensible things that are in everyone’s best interest.
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