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Replacing the much lamented 'On My Mind' profile option, this thread is for musings, jottings, whimsies, preoccupations and the rest of the thesaurus for anyone to jot down anything they please.


I can't remember what the maximum character count was before, can anyone else? But anyway it wasn't very many so let's keep to that.

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@Gershun

You hit the nail on the head about the "just kidding, can't take a joke, no sense of humor" being a guise for bullying. I have a cousin like that. A cruel bully since he was a little kid and only ever had one consequence for his behavior pretty much his whole life.

He liked to get physical with things like pinching, poking, etc... then follow that up with a "just kidding" or some other flimsy excuse to cover innappropriate sexual behavior. One time years ago he did something innappropriate and my first husband gave him a beating. He told my husband along with some other family members that he was "just kidding". My husband told him and everyone else that he was not kidding. When I see that guy at a family gathering, he shakes my hand and nothing more. I like to start laughing and remind him about the 'back in the day' beating my first husband gave him. For some reason he can't take that joke LOL
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Blickbob great news about your Mom and PT.

We found Mom's PCP was able to extend PT home visits, i.e. we could get an extra 8 or 10 visits after the first round.
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Thank you for the suggestion Way.

The lowering of expectations has helped me to get through so much.
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Sendhelp ,

“ Why is it this way ?”

Because the others don’t want to be asked to do anything.
And/Or
They expect you to keep volunteering because somehow it became expected that you would keep doing .

Tell them to lower their expectations.
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Just thinking, why is it this way?
When you are trying to back out of "volunteering for health reasons"
the conversation goes like this....
"Why, what's wrong with you."

If you answer, then the conversation becomes how they are gonna fix you, take this, do that, etc.

The entire subject of "quitting" gets ignored. Forever.
Because they thought if they fixed you (were you broken?) you'd step up to be
the volunteer again/

WTH?

Run from those people. Just run.
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Gershun, yes. "Just teasing," "just kidding," "can't you take a joke," "you have no sense of humor" -- guises for bullying.
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Blickbob, that is very good news. I hope this is indeed the light at the end, and that you will be able to emerge from the tunnel into the light. You've let yourself be held captive for so long! You're still young and can still have a great future. You definitely deserve so much better.

I suggest that you have the PT train your mother how to use or some other Depends, and that you make that a condition for you continuing to live with her so that you are not held captive to her toilet schedule.

I suggest that you talk with the PT about also scheduling some occupational therapy for your mother. This will help her with additional skills that she has lost during her immobility.

And if she's still reluctant to leave the house, maybe some online therapy sessions to address that. Do you have a porch or patio or yard in which she can sit outside for a little while each day, now that the weather is warming up?
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As far as my family get-togethers, the main reason I don't like attending is that every time I'm with my family I am thrown back into that role of self-conscious 15 year old who got bullied in high school and then came home and got bullied by my own family.

Of course they all think of it as "just teasing" but I'm sure if they were on the other end of it they would feel differently.
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Update on my mom:

The shingles spots are continuing to get smaller and lighter, with some disappearing altogether. She had a normal bowel movement without the aid of magnesium citrate back on Saturday, the first normal bowel movement in a little over a month. And Home Health will come by in a couple of days to collect information and get the ball rolling with PT.

Something I didn't mention when I gave the shingles and PT updates. Later on the day of her doctor's appointment and the day after, we talked about various things both of us will be able to do once PT is taken care of, from going places to not having TMI moments. I also made note of various things we've both missed out on because of her being immobile.
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Hothouseflower,
I'm so sorry that your family doesn't want to get together to celebrate the holidays.

I do feel blessed that the family I have left still wants to get together for the holidays.
I just don't want to be the host anymore and do it at my house.
Because,
For the first 5 years after Mother died,I did do Christmas at our house,filled all the stockings,cleaned,cooked everything,etc.but it was hard on me and none of my family offered to help and they just took it for granted.
They just expected me to do it.
So finally,
I told them that I couldn't do it anymore because of my health problems.
They wer'nt happy and they didn't like it but I just couldn't do it anymore.
So,
Since then,we've gone to my brother's house for Christmas and met at restaurants for other events.
I'm sorry I probably came across mean when I wrote.
My story goes deeper,but I won't go into it now.
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Luckylu, I think you are lucky to have a family that likes each other enough to want to be together for a holiday. This is not how it is with my family and I envy people who have that. I wish it were different for me, but it won't ever be. We couldn't even get it together for our mother's funeral..
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My family expected me to step into Mother's place after she left and host all the holidays at my house but after taking care of Mother so long and having so many health problems,there's no way I can be the new Matriarch of the family.
My family wants me to though and they try to make me feel guilty about it but I don't care.
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waytomisery, years ago I would never think I would need to bring my computer glasses to the dentist, just to sign in. And what is even more complicating is trying to sign your name using one's finger on the screen.... oh what a mess.


I do like it when the doctor's office sends me e-mail prior to my appointment to fill out paper work. I use a computer at home with a large monitor, and that makes it so easy then trying to fill out numerous pages attached to a clip board, especially when it print is so small.
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CWillie, I commiserate.

My first instinct when I receive an invitation from my family is to say no. My mind immediately tries to think up excuses why I can't attend.

As far as I'm concerned there is no matriarch in my family anymore. Not since mom passed. My elder sister still hosts Christmas. Every year it seems less of us show up. I show up sporadically but usually end up regretting it.

Willie, I admire the fact that you are even considering this invite you received as it was rather oddly put forth.
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I keep telling people that when you get an invitation your only options are to accept or decline. Instead we always get someone asking (demanding?) to change the day, the time, the venue, the menu... all of it 🙄
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I think I have it resolved. I sent my regrets to nephew #1 and expressed hope that we would all connect on Monday.
Even though I played the role on behalf of my mother I'm not the matriarch of the family, that would be sis, and the way I see it her absolute refusal to step up and make plans through the years is all part of the problem. For most of my life family gathering for a meal on holidays was a given, and for religious ones church was also a given. There was no thought about anything different 🤷
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Cwillie,
Could it be that family is trying to assign "Matriarch" to you, at your expense?

Their back-peddling (not going to be there, doing other stuff) confirms it to be a non-invitation invitation, imo.

How to handle this non-invitation invitation?

On second thought, tell them to bring the turkey pre-cooked, ready to eat with sides on Monday, lol. Maybe someone else can bring a Ham.

Give them the stability of a plan, at least. No one seems to have one.

BTW
Was this a real invitation?
"I was asked if I would be joining nephew #1's family for Easter weekend and I answered I try to be there."

Another choice, you won't be home on Monday?

The key is, rather than be disappointed, what do you want to see happen?
What would you like to do? Start there.
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LOL Send.
I just don't understand how every family gathering turns into this craziness. The reality is the matriarch of the family was the glue that bound us together - first my grandmother, then my mother. Now there is no glue and everyone is always pulling in opposite directions 😔
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Cwillie,
This is a set-up.
Tell them to bring the Turkey spatchcocked so they can BBQ it outdoors on your patio, on Monday.
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Once again my family has me stressing over dysfunctional holiday planning.
Back at the end of February I was asked if I would be joining nephew #1's family for Easter weekend and I answered I try to be there. Now I hear that they will be away until Friday afternoon, then on Saturday they will be involved in a sports event pretty much all day. No actual invite to a meal has been issued for any day although they "bought a turkey". WTH?
On top of all that they are planning to come up my way to visit with nephew #2 and family on Monday, who are only here for a few days.
How do I handle this😶‍🌫️😥🤯?
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In my own mind , I’m tempted to suggest that an awning and outdoor space heater and benches be added outside the door of the dermatologist office for bad weather . 🤔🤔😂😂
I don’t understand the lack of being able to use the patient portal on their website to check in ahead of time as another choice .
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My BIL doesn't have a cell phone and my sister would have a heart attack if she was asked to download an app. And there's enough of a difference between Apple and Android tablets that even those who are familiar with them might run into difficulties.
(I wonder how many days before all the stylus go missing🤔)
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Went to the dermatologist today .
They have a “ new system “ , at check in . You can either check in ahead of time on an App on your phone OR you arrive 1/2 hour early and you pick up a tablet and stylus at the waiting room . You can’t do a pre check in on the website portal either which I thought was dumb .
The line for check-in was OUT THE DOOR because of so many seniors not able to handle the self check in and needing help from the receptionists .

Good thing is was nice weather . 😂😂
Seriously , don’t they realize a decent amount of the current elderly will never learn to use the tablet or a phone APP , or have a smart phone ?
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@golden23

Thank you!

She's not experiencing pain from the shingles. She's experienced the lack of bowel movement, dry mouth, dry eyes, and slight fever that has come because of the shingles.
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Bob - I sure hope this makes a difference in your life and in your mother's life. Shingles can be very painful. I hope she recovers fast She has gone a long time without PT. Wishing you both the best. outcome in all this.
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Back on Friday while I was adjusting the back of my mom's shirt, I discovered some red spots on part of her back, her right side, and her stomach. She had me go to one of the doctor's offices in town and get lined up with one of the doctors to find out if it was a rash, hives, the measles, or something else entirely. Also, she hadn't had a bowel movement in a week. She had gas, but nothing came of that. The things she normally ate and drank to help her do #2 didn't do anything.

Today, she was outside the house for the first time since July 2024, went into town for the first time since February 2020, and she was inside a doctor's office of any kind for the first time since January 2019. It was a little bit of a challenge getting her in and out of the car and she was somewhat slumped over in the car seat heading to and from the doctor. She was prescribed magnesium citrate to treat the bowel issue and pills to treat what she believes is shingles. 3 hours after drinking a bottle of the magnesium citrate, she had a bowel movement for the first time in a week and a half. She had another one earlier tonight and it was a mess that took time to clean up.

But the biggest thing that came from the doctor's visit. And it's something I've been waiting for and praying for for YEARS...

MY MOM WILL BE DOING AT-HOME PHYSICAL THERAPY.

She's finally seen the light and accepted doing PT when the doctor brought up doing it! There's finally some light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Throughout today and tonight, we talked about various things she hasn't done in years, some of which pre-date the cancer diagnosis, and things she'll be able to do again once she does PT, from avoiding #2-related messes to being able to travel places.

The presumed shingles have been a blessing in disguise. Pray PT goes well when she starts it, she doesn't slack off, and normalcy can finally return to our lives.
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Cure for early morning awakenings....

Hot cocoa.
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Cwillie ,

Yes they make pantyhose.
Ohhh 🤦‍♀️, I hadn’t thought of C shaped seats because I’ve never seen that in anyone’s residential house . C shaped seats are always in public bathrooms,
I was only thinking about someone’s house because this topic was started about your cold seat. lol
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You people are messing with me first thing in the a.m. lol
So I think I have the answer. If you have a C shaped toilet seat you can slide socks or pantyhose legs over the seat.
(I haven't worn pantyhose in years, do they even make pantyhose any more?)
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Send ,

It could be a hack to catch a stool specimen . 🤷‍♀️ ( without cutting a hole in the pantyhose ) .
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