I’m wondering what people think about memory care. What should I know about the process of getting him ready to move, what to look for in a good one, and what is the vibe in a good situation.
I have one in mind, it’s small, but I know someone who works there.
We drove up under the portico, and our family was waiting for us. When we all went inside, there was a welcome committee, all smiles and making us comfortable. We went in the dining room, ate lunch, and husband went off to an activity with an aide while the rest of us met with the director, the cook, and the director of nursing. Then we left. After husband came back from his activity, he went to his room. He'd never been there before but liked it, they said. Then they ate dinner and he spent the night. The next day I was there to walk in the garden and watch TV with him. I was there every day after, and his transition was seamless. I don't think he remembered our home at all.
No discussion, no questions, and he wouldn't have been able to process the information anyway. Keep it simple!
The things to look for is how many residents are assigned to a CNA on shift. If you can find a place that's six or less, that's a decent place. Also, take tours and look around. If the place smells bad and looks dirty don't go there because housekeeping and resident hygiene are not priorities. They should be especially in memory care. Talk to the families of other residents too and see what they think of the place and if they're satisfied with their LO's care and the facility.
Does the staff like working there? What is the vibe of the staff?
How close is it to your home? Closer is better.
I run a support group and this is what they made as a checklist when visiting places
Facility Site Questions:
1. Cleanliness
2. Staff ratio
3. Wandering issues: doors opened, closed, locks
4. Staff interaction with clients
5. Current client behaviors and how staff and visitors react
6. Meals
7. Activities and resident engagement
8. Medications
9. Religion
10. Visiting medical services
11. Hair and nail care ability
I do remind my group that sometimes the resident mix has aged or can be young for a time, and to keep this in mind when looking at resident interaction.
1. Make sure it’s actually equipped for your husband’s level of dementia.
Ask specifically whether they routinely care for residents with his current symptoms—not just whether they “accept dementia patients.” Ask about wandering, nighttime confusion, agitation, incontinence, falls, medication management, and behavioral changes. California’s dementia-care regulations were updated in 2025, with an emphasis on person-centered care and residents’ ability to remain in their homes as their needs change.
2. Pay very close attention to staffing.
Ask:
How many caregivers are actually on the floor during the day? At night?
What is the caregiver-to-resident ratio?
Is there an RN or LVN on site, and when?
What happens when someone calls in sick?
How much staff turnover have they had?
Are caregivers specifically trained in dementia care?
Who gives medications?
What happens if a resident becomes aggressive, wanders, falls, or refuses care?
I’d actually visit twice if possible—once during the day and once in the evening. A place can look wonderful at 11 a.m. and very different at 7 p.m.
3. Watch the residents, not the sales representative.
Are residents sitting around sedated and disengaged, or are staff interacting with them? Do caregivers know residents’ names? Do residents look clean, comfortable, and reasonably content? Does the place smell strongly of urine or disinfectant? Are there call buttons, secured exits, outdoor areas, and places where someone can walk safely?
And notice how the staff talk about the residents. That tells you a lot.
4. Get the complete financial picture in writing.
Don’t just ask, “What’s the monthly price?”
Ask for the base rate plus every possible additional charge: medication management, incontinence care, showers, laundry, higher levels of supervision, transportation, supplies, behavioral care, and eventual increases.
Most importantly, ask:
“What happens financially if his dementia gets substantially worse?”
You don’t want to discover six months later that the facility can no longer handle him—or that the cost suddenly increases by thousands of dollars.
I hope some of this information helps as you navigate such a big decision.
If you think he will be aggressively exit-seeking, pay some attention to the security system. Most people will want to leave for a while until they settle in. But some people, especially men, will be very determined to physically break out. Just mentioning in case that will be a challenge with him.
There are lots of other factors that you can evaluate in relation to his personality. I hope somewhere will "click" with you. Sometimes it's an intuition rather than a checklist.
The best way to find a good place for him is to go there and talk with an admissions director and tour the facility.
Pay attention to how the other residents look, and what they are doing. Do they appear to be happy, clean, do they have assistance from staff when needed?
Also pay attention to the staff members you see. Do they appear to enjoy their job? Do they have a smile on their face? Do they appear tense, stressed, tired and overworked?
You can ask about the ratio of care providers to residents, and what their policy is for responding to specific needs, as it applies to your husband. Ask if they have an activities director and what type of activities are planned for residents.
Check out a few. It's just like going apartment hunting. You want to go have a look and get a feel for the new environment before you live in it.
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