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The OP replied that he has not driven in 5 years. I was not implying a usable ID but something he holds or keeps in his pocket if he wanders. Losing a real ID at this point takes more work to replace. My point is the same as if he carries monopoly money to feel confident socially.
You can also purchase those wrist band coils. I suggest you hold on to his real Id but have someone print off a few copies and laminate them to pass off as his ID. In case he loses them, see if they can be printed with a couple of identifying numbers erased. A professional printer might be able to help you
In my home state of MN it is not legal to make a "realistic" duplicate of an ID -- even your own. The OP can certainly make a one-sided copy for their own records, but should not try to pass it off as a real one, as this may be a crime where they live. It would not be appropriate to ask a professional printer to do this and they'd refuse anyway.
She can try using a paper photocopy with "duplicate" clearly indicated on it. It should be a different size and not two-sided. But, most places only accept an actual ID. Heck, I can't even buy Zyrtec-D from Costco using the digital scan of my license... it has to be the physical one.
Go to a Home Depot or Lowe's. Find the key making machine. This section usually has all sorts of keychains. Have him choose a lanyard style keychain necklace. They come in all sorts or colors and logos and designs. He can wear it around his neck. Then find the 3M HOOKS, and put a couple of them on the wall near the door, above the basket.. this may help him to think about where he wants to place his house keys. If you are tech savvy, I'm not, but you can buy a locator tag to put on the chain, and have it sent to your cell phone..jwellsy has the correct name: AIRTAG.. just saw that correct answer.. so if he does misplace them, then you can locate the keys.. AND if he ever wonders off, and he's wearing his lanyard, you will be able to find him too.
Thank you all. I am so sorry I must have misled you. The keys he miss places or accuse me of hiding them are the house keys not the car keys. He has already been for over 5 years not allowed to drive. I do try to change the conversation or ignore him. I am still adjusting.
No worries. Maybe you can make a duplicate set so when he loses them, you can ”find and return them”. They don’t even need to be working keys if he’s not coming and going on his own. It’s important for him to maintain as much independence as possible without doing harm to himself or others. Having a spare set of keys may reduce the tension when he misplaces them and avoid arguments. Good luck.
My husband kept his keys on him at all times and would go get in the car and threaten to drive. I got rid of my gas powered car and kept the EV that he doesn’t know how to drive. I took the battery out of his key fob so it doesn’t work. He keeps the keys and I keep my sanity!
It's not what you can say my dear but rather what you can do. First you have to grow a backbone and quit being afraid of the man you married at 17. He's no longer that man and is but a shell of himself now. Then for God's sake if it's his car keys that he's mispacing, keep them misplaced. In fact throw them in the garbage or hide them where he'll never find them, as there is NO circumstance where he should be driving with a broken brain. Period, end of sentence. Are you waiting for him to kill someone before you take away his keys? And as far as his ID, just tell him that you're keeping it in your wallet so that it doesn't get lost. This is now about keeping everyone safe including you, and if you have to tell a "therapeutic fib" so be it.
Put it in storage or sell it, that is if you don't drive.. sell it.. you csn get Uber, or city ride taxi, neighbors, family of you got them...church, community rides..
So apparently because you find it "hard to lead" in order to "keep the peace" with him since your wedding at 17 yrs old (per your profile)... your unwillingness to leader is going to culminate in a train wreck, with you in the train as well.
As others have rightly pointed out: if he is still driving he should not be. Drive the car to a relative or friend's house and keep the keys on your person. Tell him the car is in the shop. Call someone to help you make a scheme. Words aren't going to work because paranoia is immune to logic and reason. You'll be wasting your breath. Show him his ID and tell him you'll help him search for the keys because you don't have them. Then keep changing the subject.
Who is his PoA? Does he even have one? The PoA needs to help activate the authority so he can get the help he needs, as well as you.
Nothing you say will make any difference. Dementia takes away his ability to reason and understand. As for what you should take away - THE KEYS! Lose them permanently.
No way should a 92-year-old man with dementia be driving. Stop him before he kills someone, which could be himself. And you.
In 2024 you posted your husband was at stage 6 in his dementia journey when you were unsure about how to deal with him! Surely the man is not still DRIVING and misplacing those "keys"??? Because if he is, God forbid, they need to STAY "misplaced" for good!
If he's not driving, place a basket by the front door where he can place his keys and ID every time. Tell your husband that of course you're not taking them, he is misplacing them. Certainly he knows he's 92 with memory loss?
I suggest you pick up a copy of the book The 36 Hour Day to familiarize yourself with the paranoid behavior associated with dementia. And also visit some Memory Care Assisted Living facilities because he's really too much for you to handle alone. You matter too, my friend, not just your husband.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
She can try using a paper photocopy with "duplicate" clearly indicated on it. It should be a different size and not two-sided. But, most places only accept an actual ID. Heck, I can't even buy Zyrtec-D from Costco using the digital scan of my license... it has to be the physical one.
He can wear it around his neck.
Then find the 3M HOOKS, and put a couple of them on the wall near the door, above the basket..
this may help him to think about where he wants to place his house keys.
If you are tech savvy, I'm not, but you can buy a locator tag to put on the chain, and have it sent to your cell phone..jwellsy has the correct name: AIRTAG.. just saw that correct answer..
so if he does misplace them, then you can locate the keys..
AND if he ever wonders off, and he's wearing his lanyard, you will be able to find him too.
He has already been for over 5 years not allowed to drive. I do try to change the conversation or ignore him. I am still adjusting.
First you have to grow a backbone and quit being afraid of the man you married at 17. He's no longer that man and is but a shell of himself now.
Then for God's sake if it's his car keys that he's mispacing, keep them misplaced. In fact throw them in the garbage or hide them where he'll never find them, as there is NO circumstance where he should be driving with a broken brain. Period, end of sentence.
Are you waiting for him to kill someone before you take away his keys?
And as far as his ID, just tell him that you're keeping it in your wallet so that it doesn't get lost.
This is now about keeping everyone safe including you, and if you have to tell a "therapeutic fib" so be it.
POA
DNR
POLST
LIVING TRUST
REMOVE CAR FROM HOME..
Put it in storage or sell it, that is if you don't drive.. sell it.. you csn get Uber, or city ride taxi, neighbors, family of you got them...church, community rides..
🙏
reply: I don't know where you put them., maybe the cat took them..
So apparently because you find it "hard to lead" in order to "keep the peace" with him since your wedding at 17 yrs old (per your profile)... your unwillingness to leader is going to culminate in a train wreck, with you in the train as well.
As others have rightly pointed out: if he is still driving he should not be. Drive the car to a relative or friend's house and keep the keys on your person. Tell him the car is in the shop. Call someone to help you make a scheme. Words aren't going to work because paranoia is immune to logic and reason. You'll be wasting your breath. Show him his ID and tell him you'll help him search for the keys because you don't have them. Then keep changing the subject.
Who is his PoA? Does he even have one? The PoA needs to help activate the authority so he can get the help he needs, as well as you.
put the basket by the door..
get a doctor's order or DMV, he is no longer able to drive.
Besides if he got into an accident, no whose fault, he'd be blamed due to age..
No way should a 92-year-old man with dementia be driving. Stop him before he kills someone, which could be himself. And you.
If he's not driving, place a basket by the front door where he can place his keys and ID every time. Tell your husband that of course you're not taking them, he is misplacing them. Certainly he knows he's 92 with memory loss?
I suggest you pick up a copy of the book The 36 Hour Day to familiarize yourself with the paranoid behavior associated with dementia. And also visit some Memory Care Assisted Living facilities because he's really too much for you to handle alone. You matter too, my friend, not just your husband.
Good luck to you.