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My mom (64) has been falling a lot. So much so that the retirement community is now seeking to push her out. My brother and I live an hour away from her, just fyi. It started in June with a phone call from one of the staff saying she was unsafe. At the time I was looking to move her to a retirement community here. And during the phone call, they even questioned if she would be moving. It didn't work out because she was over the income for the retirement community local to me. Fast forward two months and I get a phone call last week, from the same staff member, that she has fallen again. Same story. She is unsafe there and I can really feel that they are pressuring me to move her. Then today I get a phone call from my mom freaking out that she got a note from the staff saying her apartment was dirty. Yep, the staff found a loophole to try to force her out. For the record I've been in the apartment in and out at least twice a month or more since she's lived there and it is not. I do not have POA or guardianship of my mom. She is of sound mind and digging in her heels when it comes to any kind of assisted living, nursing care, etc. And I have absolutely no idea how she would pay for it if she wasn't. I believe she makes too much to qualify for some programs, but not enough to pay for nursing care out of pocket. My brother and sister in law think that the solution is for her to move in with them, but with her being a fall risk this worries me. They have periods where they aren't home very much. At least at the retirement community my mom has friends in and out checking on her. I briefly mentioned the possibility of bringing in DSS to see what could be done to help my mom to my sister in law, and she completely shut that down and said her and my brother wouldn't want that. I feel like my hands are completely tied. I'm afraid she'll be even more unsafe at my brother's house. She obviously isn't safe where she is at the retirement community either. Also I'm fully aware that it is in violation of the fair housing act to try to pressure someone to leave because of falls. However, I'm also limited in what I can do for my mom since I'm not even her guardian. And she won't take any steps to help herself or make calls to help herself. Her go to person is me, and I am extremely burnt out and have absolutely no idea what to do anymore.
I think the more important issue is getting to the bottom of her falls. At at first I suspected drinking, but she is way too young to be using a walker. She needs to see a neurologist asap. She needs a fully study with brain imaging to see what is going on. Has she ever had chemo? Neuropathy in her feet could cause this. Also ALS, Parkinson’s, a brain tumor. Some serious stuff needs to be ruled out.
I went with my mom to the doctor recently. They seem to think that a lot of this is caused by her being very overweight. When they asked her about considering assisted living or weight loss medicine, she refused both.
I feel like my hands are completely tied. What do you do when someone you love just refuses to help themselves? I'm even limited in what calls I can make on her behalf because I am not her guardian or POA, and after years of handling her emergencies I don't even want to think about taking that responsibility on.
Perhaps, if she's willing to get some physical therapy. Your mom is 64 years old. 65 = Senior citizen, coming soon with healthcare advantage... Mom should have a complete checkup as to why she off balance. cat scan etc, neurological issues? if mom wants keep independent living, you and brother need to figure out why she's falling. The facility probably sees mom's falling accidents as a potential lawsuit against them. They may not have the staff to watch her 24/7. They do not want to be held liable for her falls.. Perhaps you can hire a caregiver to be with her a few hours a day.
You need a medical and physical tests done to rule things out. Things to think about:
my aunt lived alone her whole adult life. When she wasn't able yo care for herself, I was the one she called, I placed her into a micro community.. I had no idea, it was too much for her..she pushed someone down.. it was too much... I put her inyo a small board n care... 6 residents; 2 caretakers ...she calmed down...
You better start looking for a new place for mom. These people are avoiding a potential law suit regarding her falling etc..
You could try to get a Life Alert pendant so she can get help when she falls.
I agree that she should work with her doctor(s) to try to determine what is causing her to fall. It may be treatable, or it may not. But even just knowing that certain things affect her balance might be helpful, so she could avoid those situations or be prepared with a device like a cane or rollator, or to hold on to something.
Since she, your brother, and your SIL are all determined to have her move in with them, you can't really stop them. At least she has a place to go to. Just encourage the Life Alert and seeing a doctor for the cause of the falls and the other useful suggestions you get here, and then just let it go. No point wasting your time and emotional energy worrying about things that you can't change.
Why is mom falling? What health problems does she have that may cause falls? She's pretty young for such fall issues, i must say. Does she use mobility aids? What is a "retirement community"? Independent Senior Living?
Sorry for the questions but you give no details and haven't filled out a profile, which makes commenting difficult. I will say that nobody can prevent falls in older adults, it's impossible. Some measures can be taken to cut down the risk of falling, but that's it. If mom were to live with your brother, they could take more proactive measures to cut down the risk such as putting in a bed rail to stop falling out of bed, if that's an issue.
Please give more details so better advice can be given.
Sorry for not giving more info. It's been a super stressful week.
She's in a 55 and up community/independent senior living. Uses a walker to get around.
She's been to the doctor and has home health coming in and out. But no real answers as to why she's falling. I will say she has sat around so much over the years that she has absolutely no strength in her legs at all.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I feel like my hands are completely tied. What do you do when someone you love just refuses to help themselves? I'm even limited in what calls I can make on her behalf because I am not her guardian or POA, and after years of handling her emergencies I don't even want to think about taking that responsibility on.
Fawnby or Isabela.
Isabel posted a question. Fawnby posted an answer/suggestion. This may actually help your situation.. read it and think about it.
Your mom is 64 years old.
65 = Senior citizen, coming soon with healthcare advantage...
Mom should have a complete checkup as to why she off balance.
cat scan etc, neurological issues?
if mom wants keep independent living, you and brother need to figure out why she's falling.
The facility probably sees mom's falling accidents as a potential lawsuit against them. They may not have the staff to watch her 24/7. They do not want to be held liable for her falls..
Perhaps you can hire a caregiver to be with her a few hours a day.
You need a medical and physical tests done to rule things out.
Things to think about:
my aunt lived alone her whole adult life. When she wasn't able yo care for herself, I was the one she called, I placed her into a micro community.. I had no idea, it was too much for her..she pushed someone down.. it was too much... I put her inyo a small board n care... 6 residents; 2 caretakers ...she calmed down...
You better start looking for a new place for mom.
These people are avoiding a potential law suit regarding her falling etc..
I agree that she should work with her doctor(s) to try to determine what is causing her to fall. It may be treatable, or it may not. But even just knowing that certain things affect her balance might be helpful, so she could avoid those situations or be prepared with a device like a cane or rollator, or to hold on to something.
Since she, your brother, and your SIL are all determined to have her move in with them, you can't really stop them. At least she has a place to go to. Just encourage the Life Alert and seeing a doctor for the cause of the falls and the other useful suggestions you get here, and then just let it go. No point wasting your time and emotional energy worrying about things that you can't change.
Sorry for the questions but you give no details and haven't filled out a profile, which makes commenting difficult. I will say that nobody can prevent falls in older adults, it's impossible. Some measures can be taken to cut down the risk of falling, but that's it. If mom were to live with your brother, they could take more proactive measures to cut down the risk such as putting in a bed rail to stop falling out of bed, if that's an issue.
Please give more details so better advice can be given.
She's in a 55 and up community/independent senior living. Uses a walker to get around.
She's been to the doctor and has home health coming in and out. But no real answers as to why she's falling. I will say she has sat around so much over the years that she has absolutely no strength in her legs at all.